This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
