considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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