Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
