'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
