You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
