i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
