I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
