How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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