Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
