If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
