I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
