You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
