I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
