she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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