I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
