hell yes lets make some ravioli
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
