she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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