george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
