I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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