no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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