my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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