somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
