when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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