We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
