Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
