The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
