I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
