I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
