You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
