I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got chris browned last night
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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