I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
