I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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