I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
