True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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