Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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