I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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