They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
