i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i love accidental penises.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
