im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
