My brain says no but my pants say off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
