why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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