It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
