She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
