it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
