There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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