Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
