I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
