she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
