haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
