he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
