I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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